Monday 15 October 2012

i dont even know how fine it is!

so.... ever since a became a 'grown up' ive had a problem differentiating between love and lust, i mean, i understand what the two words mean, i understand that you can have love without lust and lust without love but i guess ive always felt that intimacy is important in a relationship whether its lustful or not, not all loving intimacy has to be lustful right? you can still have sex with someone you love without feeling that back bending nail scratching lip biting lust you feel in the first few months? at least i believe that to be true. ... i hope that to be true, am i wrong? has my whole idea of whats right and wrong in a relationship formed and guided by the total lack of a father figure and my mums changing boyfriends during my prepubescent years? maybe, but until im sectioned or deemed unfuckable ill still wonder why it is that anyone im with doesnt wanna tear my clothes off at any given time of the day.. especially when i feel that way about them, thing is... even when ive been in a relationship with someone like that.. im still left confused as to why theyre not doing it more often and then i worry were doing it to much and theyll get bored, truth is, ill probably never be happy because of the way i relate to sex in relationships, i mean, im 25 and been engaged twice, the first one went tits up because he couldnt keep it in his pants and the second one went tits up because he wouldnt take it out, i just need a happy medium that doesnt spend their time playing world of warcraft and wanking to sexcetera. i dont expect my life to ever be complicated i really dont but id at least like to have some clue of whats going on and why and how i am the way i am and how i can change it so that i dont freak every guy i like out because i wanna party all the time!! party being a nice way of saying... well... you know...

1 comment:

  1. on another finer note... trim this down to fine detail, what if its at that stage where its not love but could be at some point and its definately not just lust.... then it gets real fucking confusing.. is that the point where it shouldnt matter? when should it matter? to me it matters from day one... selfish? demanding? expectant? why should we settle for less than were willing to give? ...

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